an open letter in reply to a comment i got

the following was posted as a comment to one of my stories. my reply follows at the end.

Hello Lb,As I was reading this story I stopped to look back at the headline you gave it. It's ironic, and very appropriate.I had to ask myself,"What's the real agenda?"As I read the many well presented stories here something resonated in me.It was the voice of memory. I'd heard this before.And so I read previous stories. And postings. And, like a tiger released from his cage, one thing leapt out at me. One queston. One undeniable truism.What... what... WHAT is it that you're SO angry at?The sarcasm; the cynicism and the furiously spoken, vitriolic invective is simply overwhelming. And what does it tell me?That you are a very frightened woman. Why?People love you. There is at least one who loves you. Of that you can be sure, Lb.What is it that has you by the ears?You say, by way of description, that you are a talker and perhaps you will think about it later.That may be a trait of which you might be proud.If you REALLY believe that, and you ARE proud of it, than you MUST learn to expect that there are people who will react to what you say. Some of them may say things you don't like.I may be one of them. If you DO believe in what you say, and that the way you do things is justified; if you're as tough as you SAY you are, then, at least the way we played it in my old neighborhood, as we used to say, "Ya' gotta be willin' ta' take yer shots, pal."So, you ASKED for this. Don't cry "Foul!" Be the dynamic, fair, tough woman you CLAIM you are and LISTEN! You say on this page, at the top of the masthead, "Be well. Dream in colors." And then... and THEN..."Do as you will and it harm none."Well you did as you would. And it really harmed.People want to love you. What is there in trying to push them away?at least there was one who loved you. But you wanted nothing of him.And you say you care. You say it all meant something to you.It's funny, you know. As much as you despise the Catholic church, the two of you have a few things in common.You say one thing... and you do another.You say you care, but your behavior betrays you.You CLAIM to be a progressive thinker.But like those old men in Rome who wear the long scarlet dresses, your liberality extends only to those who think as you do. And when, by pure accident; without any malice whatsoever; someone hurts your feelings; when they, with complete unknowing, tread on a tender and unhealed memory, you scream "ASSASSIN!"What is it, Lb? What could it be?Why... why... WHY?Why ME?Who only wanted to care for you?What... why... who...What is the REAL agenda?You said you weren't done talking to me. Well, OK. If you ARE who you SAY you are, then I am asking you to be that person.If you're NOT, then you never were.

here is my reply:

this is TOTALLY inappropriate for a public forum. totally. i am answering it in this way because i just don’t know what else to do. the REASON everything started to crumble in the first place is because you posted what i thought was an inappropriate piece in your blog. i felt it was something you should have told me yourself. shared with me in PRIVATE. then, if you needed to post it, i would have understood. the way i found out was SHOCKING and i will never recover.

what am i angry at? i am angry we (the citizens of this great land) are being LIED to and we are doing NOTHING about it. i am angry because 2,000 plus of our women and men are dead along with COUNTLESS maimed and wounded FOR NO REASON. i am angry because so many people were displaced in la, ms, tx and fl and NO ONE (in power) seemed to give a flying f**k. i am angry because a covert cia agent was outed most likely by someone high up in our government and i don’t think anyone will be punished (except for the agent and her family) for this treasonous act (even novak is off scott free). i am angry children are starving and being hurt all over this world. i am angry people don’t take care of their animals. i am angry people do not have medical and prescription coverage. i am angry people are out of work.

am i more angry than happy? NO the answer is NO. when i post something political in my blog it makes my blood boil, hence my comments and attitude. when i post other things, i am of a FINE humor (i feel).

frightened? ,me? no. i am not frightened. it is human nature to want to be loved. however, i got over that long ago. i am who i am. one likes me or one doesn’t. one accepts me or one doesn’t. it is THEIR loss if they choose to walk on by.

i harmed you? well i may well have i don’t know. i think you romanticized things that should not have been. i think you may have looked at us through rose colored glasses when all along you should have used the ones covered in fog. you sure as shite harmed me. that much i can attest to. i told you i was willing to start over. it couldn’t be like it was, at least right away but i would try to build it back up again. that wasn’t good enough for you. i gave you my conditions YOU didn’t accept them.

i don’t believe i have ever used the words, ‘i despise the catholic church’. i don’t know where you got that from. i think it a very messed up institution as i do most other religions i am familiar with. i don’t like what it did to me and i don’t like what it did to many others, you included.

i don’t know what your agenda was. i don’t think it was what you led me to believe. i don’t think you are who you said you were either. i had feelings for one person and then another i didn’t know at all took over.