all you'll need to diagnose what kind of flu you have

via

the PERFECT solution to health care from lemmy caution

at alphaville

this is SOOOOOOOOOOO effing brilliant!

via

good thing the bird man is retired

(ht: bits and pieces)

this is really quite good

funny yet kick assssssssssssssssssssss



(ht: feministing)

this is great!

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

this is great shite!

from sadly no

html mencken gets all hot and bothered by marie jon (who was writing about god telling us who we can and cannot fuck and when and how and how women rush home after work to clean and men are somehow stuck on freeways. hey, i don't get it either). but html mencken soon gets a karate chop to the nuts (so to speak). you MUST read it, it is WICKED FUNNY!
(note: of course html mencken has a sense of humor, but sadly NO, marie does not. her shite is serious. well i don't think it's serious but SHE does. hey marie, when did god tell you who to fuck?)


OH MY GOD

by HTML Mencken

Marie’s talking about SEXYOUALL INTERCOURSE! BOIOIOIOIOINNNNNNNNG!!!

Here I am, rather like a wingnut, home alone on a Saturday night. GF worked late, it rained here all day.. bleh. And Marie, sly vixen that she is, totally knew it. She knew that Tintin would make fun of a Warner Todd Bukkit post, which would in turn make me click through and then click again until until I wound up at WTB’s personal site, stunned to see Marie there making sexy talk (which she never does at Renew America). It was like walking into a backwoods methlab to find Megan Fox parked on the couch looking glamorous and chattin about jetset shit. Marie caught me by surprise, and when I was weak.

God’s plan for marriage includes companionship and sexual enjoyment. It is undeniable that the Almighty created marriage as the place where both man and woman meet their sexual needs. Within Holy Matrimony, there is a deep abiding love that is naturally expressed in the act of intimacy.

You know, when I mentally strike out the “God” and “marriage” crap, this is pretty steamy stuff.

However, at times, life can become complicated and hurried. Many couples become distracted to the point where they spend less quality time together within the bedroom.

Today’s women often work and are tired after a long day. When they walk into the door, they immediately begin tending to the children, cleaning, helping with schoolwork, and preparing the evening dinner. Men frequently get up early to hit the freeways. They spend eight or more long hours at work before their tedious commute in heavy traffic to return home. All of this stress takes a toll on marriage. Too often, couples collapse into bed with hardly enough thought or energy to say good night.

This gets it all wrong, Marie. First of all, in a proper relationship between liberals, neither person “works;” both simply cash the welfare checks sent to them by Barack Hussein Hitler who coerces the money from those hardluck wealthy people who never can seem to catch a break. I admit it can be a chore to walk to the mailbox and back, but somehow we manage the task and have energy reserves left for tantric sex. Then there’s the “children” thing. Sorry, Marie: again, this is not applicable. I’ve had all my kids aborted. No distractions that way, plus it comports with liberalism’s longterm goal to make the white race extinct. Then there’s the commute thing. Pfft. Silly Marie, liberals use public transport! So, yeah baby, I gots the energy.........

boing boing points us to some

liberal vs. conservative 'humor'

first, here is some liberal 'humor'. you see, the artist made all the republicans INTO CLOWNS. funny, huh?

secondly, here is some conservative 'humor'. you see the artist talks about KILLING non-conservatives. funny, huh?

those conservatives sure are funnier, huh? a gun sure is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy more funny than a red nose, huh? yup. i can certainly see why THEY are so much better (than the rest of us poor soon to be DEAD SLOBS)

(boing boing posts by Mark Frauenfelder,)


clown collage: Hebiclens / WMxdesign

this is A SCREAM

(ht: neatorama)

i don't think this is a JOKE

i mean I THINK IT'S A JOKE, i just don't think the p4cm (passion for christ movement) thinks it's a joke (pic from the p4cm site)



i found it via feministe and again, i think it's for real.

fisting?

question: how the fuck can one be a 'sexpert' and not know what FISTING means? well one CAN be a 'sexpert' and not know what FISTING means if one is on FAUX 'NEWS' i guess

Fox News "sexpert": Obamas Do A Lot of "Fisting."

Posted by Xeni Jardin

oh YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

priceless

from xkcd

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

found via boing boing

thursday humor

although to him (hannity) it's NOT a joke (i don't think. unless he has one HELL of a sense of humor)

(and if i were a parent i wouldn't ban my children from seeing miley because her father is an asswhip. i'd ban them from seeing her because she's pre-packaged and talent-less )

Billy Ray Cyrus, Others, To Perform At Hannity 'Freedom' Concerts

Jason Linkins

So, it's come to my attention that Sean Hannity is sponsoring a series of "Freedom Concerts," tickets for which would make "perfect Christmas gifts," apparently, for everyone on your Christmas list of whom you have a low opinion. Billy Ray Cyrus will headline these events, and will be supported by country music legends The Charlie Daniels Band, Christian-contemporary performer Michael W. Smith, sun-ripened beef jerky husk Lee Greenwood, and Oliver North, who will, I guess, be playing a Moog accompaniment to "the Whitey tape." The concerts are in support of...freedom? I guess? Though probably the "supplies are limited some restrictions apply void where prohibited (cf. Prop 8 for further details)" brand of "freedom."

Naturally, one wonders about whether Billy Ray Cyrus' decision to join up on this tour might negatively impact the career of daughter Miley Cyrus, who's more positioned as a global brand, and who produces spastic and apolitical pop marm. Might Billy Ray's actions alienate a significant portion of Miley's fanbase?...........

(via americablog)

(oh and NO offense to marge OR the coens. i happen to LIKE marge)

ok, ok, ok

check out the ads (perma puppy is my personal favorite)


next gencode: your destiny is no longer in question

(via bifurcated rivets)

tuesday humor

you know, the kind where you insist the comedian put down the crack pipe and back away slowly


Bill Kristol says "Republicans are much more open to strong women"

I say that's hilarious considering who this is coming from. I'm a week late on this, but it's a necessary mention. Via Think Progress:

Kristol: I think Hillary Clinton was gracious, she's put behind her the horrible sexism and misogyny the Democratic primary voters demonstrated. I'm appalled by it, personally. Never would have happened in the Republican Party, you know...we're -- Republicans are much more open to strong women. (yeah, so they can pull the pl0w longer) That's why McCain is going to put Sarah Palin, the Governor of Alaska, on the ticket.,.............

(of course the italicized blurb up there is mine)

you MUST watch this

it's a SCREAM. i saw it yesterday (had the day off and watched the repeat of the night before) and was laughing my big ol' butt off

Colbert Report: The elitist menace among us

David Edwards and Muriel Kane

In light of recent accusations of elitism being hurled against Barack Obama, Stephen Colbert decided it was time to examine "the elitist menace among us."
"Recently, polls have Senator Obama slightly ahead of John McCain," Colbert began. "However, there's still a major obstacle standing in his way -- he thinks he's so smart. ... There is a word for people like Barack Obama -- and in this election, you're hearing it everywhere."
Colbert then played a montage of John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and various media pundits saying, "elitist ... elite opinion ... elite candidates ... Gucci-wearing, latte-drinking ... latte liberal ... elite, effete snobs."............

breaking news........

Jesus Denounces McCain, Endorses Obama

Posted by Brad Jacobson

In a stunning turn of events Thursday, the Son of God endorsed Barack Obama for President while rejecting and distancing himself from presumptive Republican nominee John McCain.

Outside an Applebee's off the New Jersey Turnpike in Paramus yesterday, Jesus Christ told reporters, "Look, it's been a very divisive primary season between Barack and Hillary. I thought my support would aid the healing process and help unify the Democrats."

Asked if he was a registered Democrat, Jesus replied, "I'm actually registered with the Green Party. But no amount of faith and prayer will get their candidate elected." Christ clarified, "I perform miracles, but there are limits."

Why come out against John McCain?

"You don't have to be the Son of God to prophecy McCain wants to carry out Bush's third term," said Jesus, wearing a flag pin affixed to his traditional white robe. "Incidentally, maybe one of you guys can tell David Brooks there isn't a salad bar at Applebee's. Schmuck."

Later in the day, before Jesus took the stage to endorse the Illinois senator at a campaign rally in Arlington, VA, Obama said, "Well, I'm certainly not perfect, and I won't be a perfect president. Michelle has told me throughout the primary season, "'You're not the Second Coming, Barack.' And though she's right, I am proud and honored to tell you today that Jesus is by my side in this campaign for the White House. And I'm not speaking figuratively, Arlington. Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the celestial realm, the Prince of Peace, the Mack Daddy of Nazareth, the original change agent - you know him, you love him, many of y'all even pray to him - let's give it up for Je-suuuuuuus Christ!"...............

hey look!

my FAVORITE beverage MEAT WATER has a new flavor!

escargot - YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

(shout out to bifurcated rivets)