THE JESUS DIET
Jesus will let you eat anything you want as long as you believe.
From Mail Online:
But there’s a new diet trend which claims dizzyingly high success rates, promises painless life-long commitment and allows dieters to eat anything they want.
Faith-based diets take the principles of Christianity and apply them to our overwhelming craving for chocolate, chips and cheese.
Advocates say dieters learn to fill the spiritual hole inside themselves with something more powerful than saturated fats.
The basic principle common to the U.S. programmes Christian Weigh Down and Thin Within (‘Helps you grow in faith while shrinking your waistline’), and the British equivalent Fit For Life Forever, is that dieters need to identify the deeper reasons why they over-eat, before they can hope to lose weight and keep it off permanently.............
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4 comments:
I just hurt my eyelids rolling my eyes so hard at this. Unreal.
lemmy if you haven't figured it out yet, i'm an insomniac. i found this at 1 or 2 am. dang, that's WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too early for this kind of shite
Of the loaves and fishes thou shalt eat, but not unto overkill. Of the wine thou shalt drink, but thou shalt not drive thereafter, lest thou diest.
Of the cloven hoofed animals thou shalt not eat, for they are freaky in My sight. Neither of the bivalves shalt thou eat, for they do grow in areas of potential nastiness, plus they are kinda gross conceptually anyway. Verily I say unto you, if thou dost slurp down one more oyster in My hearing, I shall smite thee, srsly, thou shalt have a pain like unto a rich man being stuffed through the eye of a needle.
Neither of the spam or velveeta shalt thou eat, for these are abominations unto Me. For I have given thee real food in abundance, then why wouldst thou diss Me by the eating of such things?
Lastly, the human tasteth not like unto the chicken. Thy cat can tell thee, if thou dost not believe Me.
i am so laughing! that's just the way they would see it too (well most of it). they'd ignore most of it as well. just like they ignore MOST of the book they profess to follow.
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