this is WONDERFUL

A Cover Letter for Employment Opportunities with the Elders of Zion

 

by Joseph Bernstein 

 

Dear Elders of Zion,

Hello, my name is Joe Bernstein, and I am a young Jew of some promise living in New York City. Through your shadowy networks of information, I am sure you are already aware of me, but I’m just writing to assure you that I would very much like to assume my position of power and influence starting as soon as possible. I found out about this opening through centuries of inherited blood.

Let me first say, congratulations on the superior job you’ve done remaining in the shadows over the past century. You’ve consistently tricked every national government (except Iran, wily Iran) and major media organization into believing that you do not manipulate all major world systems for your profit and other nefarious goals. You are unquestionably the global leader in conspiracy and it goes without saying that the opportunity to learn from my swarthy, bearded masters would be a dream come true.....................